Shaped Like a Corpse

Shaped Like an Ass

Welcome to the future. Your Largo Ergoform TX is the total primo fusion of comfort, affordability and posture-paedic support.

It’s loaded with controls. As demonstrated in the attached diagram, it has controls for raising and lowering the seat, altering the pitch of the seat, locking and unlocking the tilt of the back support, increasing or decreasing the resistance of the back support when unlocked, altering the seat depth and raising and lowering the arm rests.


There is a squishy pump for putting air into the in-built lumbar support, there are wheels and the armrests even come off if you need them to. But best of all, the chair itself is shaped just like an ass.

Shaped like an ass
Shaped like an ass
The Largo Ergoform TX is
Shaped like an ass

Try it out. Try it now. Sink down into that warm milky oblivion. Mmm-good. See? Hey I think it likes you!

We know that no two customers are exactly the same, so pay attention to the controls. So many controls! You’ll probably need your kids to explain them to you – ha ha!


Or we could send one of our representatives to custom-fit the chair to your contours. We’re happy to provide this service free to all of our clients. Very happy actually.

Hmmmm, just talking about your contours makes us want to sell you a chair. Better take a second to cool off!! Just kidding. (No we’re not.) We put a lot of thought into crafting our chairs with your specific contours in mind. It’s our gift to you, and hubby doesn’t have to know.


Just imagine sinking into an Ergoform at the start of a long day. Imagine how the day would fly past – you’d barely notice you were working. Imagine a line of Ergoform TX chairs rolling down the street, with a great big Ergoform Executive rolling in the lead… just like a bunch of schoolkids following Teacher on a field trip! Hey, or what if a whole bunch of them were performing on stage, like Las Vegas showgirls - crazy!!
…
That is actually crazy.

All Largo Ergoform TX chairs come with a free three year service guarantee. Some conditions apply. Visit our website to learn more about or range of posture-paedic products, or just to say “hi”.

Hot damn, that's another rejection letter (a genre fiction site).

Not that fussed, just sharing.

Pot Skeleton: Terrifying Green Dragon!!

Five men break out of a mental hospital in Kowloon. They are insane, in the way that people in films are often insane, i.e. they want to kill people. You, me. Everybody.

It is Chinese New Year.

The five insane men find their first victims in a warehouse– a group of parade performers, preparing to dress up as a Chinese dragon. The victims’ corpses are hidden in barrels. Blood trickling out from the bottom of the barrels. A dead eye staring out from a knot-hole.

Chilling music. The five insane men are now collectively wearing the dragon costume. It is green, with fierce leering eyes and a wide toothy mouth that snaps open and shut.

Out on the street, the celebrations are now in full swing. Clanging cymbals, exploding fireworks. Happy families. The green dragon, comprised of five insane men, has blended seamlessly in with the parade.

The dragon’s fierce eyes swivel. The jaw snaps. Happy, frightened children step into its path, then run away yelling. Parents laugh.

No-one suspects.

In the midst of the throng, the dragon strikes – chomp.

And again – chomp, chomp, chomp!!

Confusion. Panic. Disorientating ambiguity – is this part of the show?

No.

Chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp. Roar! Chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp.

Police on the scene try to make sense of the massacre (the dragon has escaped along a dark side alley). The five insane men had a psychiatrist, and he is running to the police, delirious – these men are crazed. There is nothing left in their minds that could be called human. They will strike again. They will stop at nothing. Etc.

The parade is over. Many people are cowering in their high-rise apartments. But the unlucky few have not heard the news, and are wandering home, alone in the deserted streets.

Take for instance this teenage girl, who has recently engaged in sexual intercourse. Unsure whether she has done the right thing with her boyfriend (a prominent sportsmen at their high school) she now hurries back to her waiting parents. But sounds seem pursue her – a rubbish bin over-turned. Footsteps. The jingling of bells.

Unseen, some metres behind her, a giant green head is watching her with fierce eyes from around a street corner.

Sensing something, she looks back. Nothing. But as she walks on:

Jingle, jingle, jingle.

She turns again. This time she spots it, lurking in the shadows beneath a tree. HOLY SHIT! She runs, but now the dragon has broken cover. It’s pursuing her, teeth chomping, accompanied by the inexplicable ruckus of clashing cymbals!!!

Midsummer Uulahh

'Tis Midsummer
& a warm mist falls
& so I will stretch out my tongue to its fullest extent
the stretching a downwards motion –
– for I have no jaw

& with lolling tongue draped moist along neck
I will crane myself back
& present my partial face to the heavens
to catch
& taste the soft rain
while flowers with women's bodies
cavort about my person

Such bliss
as was known
by things without form
in years
lost to memory

The flowers would have me sing
& so I sing
Uuuuulaaahhhhh

My fingers grope the humid air
to feel such yearning
& for every yearning fibre to find such contentment

'Tis Midsummer
& on all sides men approach, enshrouded
as a warm mist falls
the objects they wield indistinct, unknown
rifles, or brooms
or attachments from vacuum cleaners
- who can say
who can say

The flowers & I
convulse as one
& the flowers would have me sing
& so I sing
Uuuuulaaahhhhh