Oscar’s slipped from out of his mother’s grasp. & oh look – he’s running across the train platform!
OSCAR: Ha ha ha ha! I got away! I’m running across the train platform!
Oscar go back, your mother will be so worried. Oh look – he’s running between the passengers, ducking underneath the skirts of the ladies. & the ladies give a great shout of alarm!
THE LADIES: Oooh!!
OSCAR: Ha ha ha ha!
Oscar that is no way for little boys to behave. Now you and your mother will be late for your train.
OSCAR: I don’t care! I’m never going back – never!
Oh Oscar, you know that you must get on board. You must go back. It’s for your own good. Your mother only wants what’s – oh look what you’ve done now!
OSCAR: Ha ha ha ha!
Oscar you’ve taken the legs off the men passengers and put them on the bodies of the lady passengers!
OSCAR: I’ve taken off their legs – ha ha ha!
And you’ve taken the legs off the lady passengers and put them on the men. Now they’re tumbling around & falling about everywhere! Oh you naughty boy, is that any way to behave in public?
MOTHER: Oscar!? Oscar!
Oscar your mother is calling you.
OSCAR: Ha ha ha ha! I don’t care!
Oscar if you do not behave yourself I will be forced to introduce new characters into the narrative.
Oh Oscar – don’t blow a raspberry at me!
OSCAR: I don’t care, I don’t care! Nyah! I’m not going back – not ever!
I have never known a boy as naughty as you are, Oscar. & look – here’s an Agent pushing his way through the crowd.
AGENT: Down! Everyone get down!
THE PASSENGERS: Help, help us! Our legs!
The agent has a gun, Oscar. He’ll shoot you if you don’t co– oh Oscar, what are you doing!?
OSCAR: Ha ha ha ha! I’m drinking all the orange fizzy at the kiosk!
Why Oscar you are incorrigible. You know you’re not allowed to drink orange. & look what’s happened now.
OSCAR: Going all funny. Ha. Ha.
Yes Oscar, you’re allergic to orange and look what’s happened. You’ve lost control of your body & now you are mutating.
AGENT: (shocked whisper) Too late.
Yes Oscar. You’re changing and growing. Look at how you’ve upset the proprietor of the kiosk, he’s running away. Who’ll mind the till at the kiosk now he’s run away?
AGENT: Clear the station, quickly!
I’m sorry Mr Agent, but I’m afraid there’s no point firing your gun at Oscar now. All of that orange he’s drunk has set off his allergy.
OSCAR: NOT… GO BACK… HOSS-PEE-TALL…
Oh Oscar, if only you'd listened.
THE PASSENGERS: Eeeee!!
Felix’s War Diary: 11 November 1918
2 months ago